As
a leader in the U.S. Air Force I am constantly reminded on how much I have to
learn. One of the abilities I recognize among experienced senior leadership is their
ability to listen and fully absorb conflict without quickly submitting their personal
opinions or biases. This is a trait I am fully aware I need to practice and
perfect in order to be an effective leader.
In
the YouTube video Improve Your Listening
Skills with Active Listening, the Mind Tools team deliver five techniques
to better prepare yourself for effective active listening: 1. Pay attention. 2.
Show that you’re listening. 3. Provide feedback. 4. Defer judgement. 5. Respond
appropriately. These techniques sound easy enough to accomplish, however, if
you haven’t practiced them with clear intent you may find old habits of ineffective
listening are hard to break.
Active
listening is a skill I am fully aware of yet still struggle to master. I seem
to have a habit of interrupting to give my point of view, oftentimes
distracting from the message at hand. One key piece of advice to listen without
having a preconceived rebuttal. This allows you to acknowledge the message and
intent without bias.
Within
the last three weeks I spent a significant amount of time with an individual
whom I have developed a poor working and personal relationship. Every
interaction seems to leave me fuming with negativity. I feel it’s my
responsibility as the senior member to resolve the personality differences in
order to work toward a positive and fulfilling collaboration. Within the first
day of the off station exercise I confronted the individual and asked her to
explain her constant willingness to fight me on every decision being made. At
the beginning of the conversation I told her my intent was to leave rank at the
door in order to fully understand one another’s point of view. She started the
conversation with degrading insults that were filled with loudness negativity.
I quietly listened, however, after a few minutes I allowed her emotions to
affect me and I started to become biased toward my point of view. After
realizing that I was losing control I took a step back to let her voice her
opinions. I offered that we realize our differences but focus on a way to effectively
work together, for sake of mission accomplishment. Levine (2009, pg. 42-43)
describes this as the fifth step in the “Cycle of Resolution”; Seeing a Vision
of the Future: Agreement in Principle. This step in conflict resolution allows
both members to reflect on the future of the working relationship, leaving
personal differences aside. Since our discussion we have developed steps to
communicate more effectively.
Active
listening allows you acknowledge the speaker’s point of view. There will be
time when conflict is resolved and time when you learn to accept and deal with
conflict in a productive manner. The important aspect of my example is that I
learned to defer judgement and hold back from interrupting, even though the
scenario was filled with argumentative subject matter. In the end, our
discussion and my ability to listen proved successful in fostering a step
toward a positive working relationship in the future.
References:
Levine, S. (2009). Getting to
resolution: Turning conflict into resolution. (2nd edition). Williston, VT:
Berrett-Koehler Publishers
Mind Tools
Content Team. (2015, June 12). Improve your listening skills with active
listening. [Video file]. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2z9mdX1j4A&t=38s
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